82 days of Cancer

1 Oct

I found out a few weeks ago, 25 days to be exact, that I got the ALL CLEAR from cervical cancer. I’m absolutely over the moon! I spent the first hour immediately after I found out in tears. I feel unbelievably lucky and relieved and delighted. All that’s left to remind me is a few tiny scars from my keyhole surgery.

It’s been 82 days from the day I was diagnosed to the day I got the all clear, not that long really. I feel so fortunate only to have skirted round the edges of cancer and not had to endure the devastation of some of the more severe treatments. I’m delighted that I can still have children and that the decision has not been taken away from me, I’ll never be able to thank the doctors enough.

I keep waiting for my new outlook on life to hit me, but it hasn’t, I’ve just carried on as before.

I think that’s why I feel a bit like a fraud. Because I haven’t had to go through the likes of chemotherapy or radiotherapy, I feel like I don’t deserve to be labelled a ‘survivor’ or that I ‘won the fight’, because in all honesty, I didn’t have to put up much of a fight. Sure it messed with my emotions BIG time, but all I did was try to think positive, as best I could, and hope for the best. And it worked.

If anything, thinking positively about my experience, is knowing that my diagnosis made a few women close to me go for a smear test they’ve been putting off. And if it stops one of them having to go on the cancer rollercoaster, then that’s good enough for  me.

With that being said, I’m still completely over the moon that I’m by with the whole mess. It’s an experience I never want to have to go through again. All the worrying and not knowing was mentally exhausting. But the sad fact is, if it’s not me, it’ll be someone very close to me who has to go through it and when that day comes I’ll be right beside them all the way just as everyone was there for me. There’s nothing else for it.

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